Musings.....

Today was a good day. I went up to St. Kate's to get my two letters of recommendations for my Mayo application. I enjoy driving into the city. It gives me time to listen to my favorite radio station (107.1).

Work went well today. I had the kids make yummy strawberry salad. They loved it and it was a lot of fun.

I stayed late at work to work on some of my paper/application stuff. I think that I am learning more and more about myself writing this paper on attachment. I think that I never attached to my parents...especialy my mother. It was no body's fault During that time, attachment was not an everyday thing. It was thought that if you loved a child enough...that would be enough. That is not the case. In fact, love comes slowly. Trust needs to be established and when and if that trust is formed. Love then follows. The basic needs of a child need to be established. the child needs to view the new parents as someone that meets their needs. That means the parents need to be consistent and not expect love or appreciation right away.

Children with attachment issues do not intend to hurt or be disrespectful to their new parents. The child has only known loss within any relationship. The loss of birth mother, foster family, familiar smells, familiar sights, familiar sounds. Believe it or not....EVERY CHILD grieves these losses. Whether they are one day old or twelve. The grief comes in many forms. Crying is the most obvious. Other forms are loss of appetite, pushing away affection, sleepy a lot, not sleeping, staring, physical aggressiveness. Attachment takes time and may never come. Tolerance and acceptance can be established or not.

These are some of the things that I find interesting. I think that I grieved a lot and still am. I want to know who my parents are. Do they wonder about me? Do they love me? Do they know that I have children of my own? I grieve the loss of connectivenss. I am not close to my family. I am jealous of my friends that have such close relationships with their families.

I am at the point of my life that I now know why I did certain things in my life. No excuses just reasons. I believe that the lack of attachment after my adoption led to many bad choices in my life. The good thing now is that I am very securely attached to my wonderful and handsome children. I make it a point to hug, kiss and tell them I love them every day (sometimes 5x a
day!) I do not want my children to feel like I did when I was growing up. Lonely and feeling worthless.

These ideas are no fault of my parents. Just the circumstances. My mother would say that I was impossible. Perhaps. But I would look at my actions and choices as someone that was lost and without an anchor. I have my anchor now (my lovely husband) and I feel safe expressing these thoughts. Some might read this and feel offended. This was not my intention. I just want to be open and honest. I was a difficult kid. I was horrible at times. But at the same time, I was abandoned, no known family, no real birth date, no name no history. These are big obstacles. I am proud that I overcame these and now am thriving.

President's Day

Today is a day off for everyone. It has been fun and relaxing! We had Tom's friend over with his wife and the cutest little girl ever!

I am working on my paper today. It is a lit review about my clinical research area. So I am working on the attachment issues/problems of adopted children.

I love youtube and I love Barack Obama. So in light of that....here is another cool video of him. I don't think Hiliary would be this cool.

Ohhhh to be free.....

Hi All,

Yesterday it was Valentine's day! I gave lots of candy to my sweeties (Husband and sons). Tonight Tom and I are celebrating. I gave him an edible floral arrangement. It was a lot of fruit formed into flowers. BEAUTIFUL! Oh and Yummy! We went to Sun Moon for dinner (I think all of Hastings had the same idea!) and then my kids received their webkinz for their gifts. They loved them. We came home and then watched LOST. Very interesting and even better that we could fast foward the commercials!!

I don't work today which means I am free for four days! YEA!! I am currently still working on my internship stuff.

I have decided that I love BARACK OBAMA. (I like to say his name too) Watch this video....so cool


More Later!!

So.....

Nothing new to report. Just the same old. Which is fine because that means it is less stressful! I am going with a bunch of my girlfriends to the MALL of America this Saturday. We are going to sit and stare at people. Eat and gossip and shop :-) I am excited. I have needed to get out and have some fun.

My internship interviews are not scheduled yet. I will need to get on that tomorrow.

That is it for now. Stay warm!

Sarah

TGIF

Enough said :-)

And the winner is......

I had to pick my choices for internships this summer. The internship is 600 hours and I will be working 15 weeks/40 hours a week. Very intense, very busy but very fun (I think but then again I am one for torture).

Today I needed to make a decision about the ones that I want to interview. Well at Monday's meeting, I was asked to apply to Mayo (I am the only one qualified-this was coming from my professor-not me-though we all know it :-) So this Mayo gig is like the ultimate internship. Once you have interned there...most places will take you! I am fairly excited but not looking forward to the commute and gas money.

I have chosen to interview at the Mayo, a foster care program, adolescent psychiatric ward, and life transtions program for teens. These all have aspects that I desire to learn. Attachment issues, adolescent behavior and psych. These issues are close to my heart.

I think that I will do well in any of these. I am a little leery about my stress level because along with an internship, I will be taking one of the hardest classes of this program and running a BASE summer program. So basically, I will be preoccupied physically, mentally and socially. So I am planning to have fun until May and then after that.....I will be nonexistent.

Anyways...that is where my schooling stands. My personal life? Well I hardly have time with my husband, kids are rowdy, and my house is a mess. So basically, it is about the same.

Work is work. Sometimes I think that when it starts going smooth is when the real problems begin. It has been stressful to say the least. I love my job minus administration and parents :-) But isn't that the truth in any job? I can not wait to be my own boss. Then I can boss myself around!

I am off to watch my favorite show LOST...will they ever be found? I am taping "In Treatment" and will watch that and feel all therapy like.

I hope you all are well and stay warm in this gosh darn state that we call home!

FAT TUESDAY...........

Eat and be Merry....because tomorrow it starts...weight watchers.

At work we are going to lose weight together!

I am tired tonight. I went to a meeting about my summer internship. It was informative and stressful :)

More on the internship stuff tomorrow. Right now I am doing to enjoy fat Tuesday and watch some "In Treatment"